I just got my hair completely shorn!
My decision was inspired by a second meditation retreat, an all day affair
rather than the 10 day silent retreat that fueled the popular blog article, Become a Chinese Finger Trap. Let me explain my great aha moment while inside my
Inner Constellation for a day. First, I almost didn't attend the retreat
because my “To-Do” list was a mile long, and I was stressing to get everything
done before taking a day off. The anxiety part seemed counter-intuitive to attending
a retreat, and I almost convinced myself to just “do” the list rather than go
on retreat and simply “be.” I mean how much do you really get done by “being”
inside the Inner Constellation for the day. Ha, how much indeed!
I made a deal with myself that I’d
drive the 40 minutes down the mountain and just stay for the first part of the
day, until lunch and then head back so I could be productive. I must have been sending out the fleeing
vibe, because the visiting teacher finished her introduction, described
the day’s activities and then looked square at me and said, “I encourage all who
come not to leave half way through or they miss the full benefit of what I've prepared.” Well, being a fellow teacher, I could only smile politely and nod my
head in agreement, knowing I’d been busted.
The focus of the retreat was, “Who
do you take yourself to be.” It sounded a bit new-agey to me, but by the first
sitting my suspicious edge dissolved, and I began contemplating how I had defined
myself that morning: someone who needed to return backed up emails, clean a
messy home and study for my ACEP (Association of Comprehensive Energy
Psychology) Ethics test—I mean, really, on a Saturday, no less, when the weather
was spring time spectacular?
Through the day, I practiced the
Vipassana technique and when my mind wandered in and out of the familiar stretching
and pulling sensation (See
Become a Chinese Fingertrap Part 1 for more of the
nitty gritty details), I found myself considering this fact—it’s near end of
May and spring has almost escaped me; less than a month until summer and I here’s
who I take myself to be—a woman who spends way too many hours in cyber space!
I reminisced back to when
corresponding meant a bicycle ride to the neighbor’s house, a letter in the
mail, a phone call—not an inbox of over 50 emails to return (add another 10
while I sat in retreat—argh). I recalled racing off to the cornfields with my
pad of paper and pencil to write, rather than pecking away on my laptop. I
journeyed back, I did, and then as I stretched and pulled still further inside
the
Inner Constellation, my aha moment surfaced:
I
define myself: my involvement in cyber space and my stress level, no one else.
I mean, dang, emails,
cyber-communication, my “To-Do” list are completely self-imposed. Now, you might be saying, what does all this have
to do with getting one’s head shorn?
I have always, always, always hated
the fact that hair gets in my face. When my hair was half way down my back, I
almost always wore portions of it back. Truth be told, I have always, always
wanted a super short, get-it-out-of-my face haircut, but I was never brave
enough. Who do I take myself to be? A girl who’s approaching summer and wanting
her hair out of her face!
So, this afternoon I entered the
salon, walked into the stylist’s bathroom, closed the door and noticed a sign
with a variety of encouraging words, “surround yourself with happy people,”
check, got that one going on. I went through the list with confidence until I
arrived at the last one, “be brave.” It takes bravery and confidence to go against
the grain of cyber space and honor one’s inclinations. I walked out of the
bathroom and with no pictures from my cell phone, no preparation other than being, my beautiful artistic friend and
stylist created a masterpiece from the canvas of my head. The most
fun was seeing her work her creative magic so joyfully.
Who do you take yourself to be? Whatever the answers, may they be perfectly aligned with our intentions, inclinations, and those things that give us lasting joy and fulfillment.
