I've learned in life to be careful what you wish for. My 2022 aspiration is ~ #ReactivePositivity in the face of...(I'm whispering) anything. Knowing the chances to practice would arise, because, well, that's what life provides at every turn, I took a few breaths, and hunkered down....
Two nights ago, I had just fallen into slumber on the couch before bed and in my mind's ear (is this a dimension of reality?) I hear our county's snow-cutting machine chugging down the road at turtle speed, devouring the 12 foot high snow banks to widen our barely one-lane neighborhood road. I live in Tahoe, so massive storms. The house erupts in glee, Bene the cat runs to the kitchen window to look out, husband lays over the back of the sectional couch, peering out the living room window, and I get up and move toward the hallway to go to bed, when suddenly...
I grab my coat from the hallway closet, slam on the snow boots and head out the door while husband calmly warns, "Nothing can be done." I feel on fire, literally, from head to toes. "It's dangerous!" I yell, as in my mind's eye I envision the driver inebriated (sorry, it's the addiction provider in me) or something worse.
It didn't take long to catch up and giving the machine wide girth, I approach the side window and pantomime in my best ASL-ism ;) HOUSE, CHUTE, SNOW-CRUSH!. Machine stops, driver opens his window, I see he's alert and wide-eyed looking at me. I yell over the noise--"Are you OK? Are you tired? Do you need help?" He shakes his head, no.
"Be careful!?!" I scream, seeing his snow chute is lower than my neighbors house, he shuts his window and chugs along.
Walking back to my house, I feel my relief turn 180 degrees--to anger. As I walk up the deck steps my anger mounts: solid snow concrete is waist high, window screen ripped, patio bistro table and chairs buried. Hitting the deck-long mound with a shovel, it seems unmovable. A call is made to the county and I pray no one gets hurt tonight as I try to go to sleep. But...as I unwind my body in bed, it is racked with pain, quite literally up and down my spine, legs, arms, neck, head. I realize that in the ten minutes or so of holding all my anger, I am truly afflicted! For the first time in over an hour, I remember my dear, precious breath, my anchor in the storm. I come back to my anger-scorched body, breathe deep nourishing breaths and concentrate on gratitude: driver was not injured, we were not injured, house is intact...sleep finally came.
When I shared with a dear friend and mentor the following morning my wish to have responded differently, he gently said, "May I suggest you responded exactly as you needed to protect you, your house and your family." He mentioned the possibility that anger and every emotion serves a purpose. The mindful moment of realizing when I got caught and consumed, is the practice, it is the path to buddhahood. Whoa, mind blowing---and...#ReactivePositivity in action.
That afternoon, a county supervisor came out to access damage and confirmed my friend's wisdom. The man said he had just come from 3 cabins, recently renovated who, like us, were hit with a chute of concrete-snow only the load blew the front doors off the hinges and shattered all the windows on the front of their dwellings. Luckily, no one was inside and now one was hurt. "Consider yourself very lucky," he said.
OK, it's quite alright to respond with anger and strong emotions! I might even say, sometimes the body knows things in ways our sense organs do not. The key for me, that unlocks the beautiful door of #ReactivePositivity is the personal question--am I swept away? Am I completely and totally consumed? Because, even if I am positively swept away and consumed, I may miss something. Positivity might not actually be the most skillful response. Dang, that's deep.
Umm, so much good and juicy life to process and ponder. I am so grateful that sweet Bene cat, my dear husband, peering out in joy, were not injured, that all are safe and home just scuffed a bit. The amazing supervisor buddha then called in a crew to come get that concrete off the deck, then, he assessed the minimal damages and went on his way, fully knowing how lucky we are to be breathing, loving, living in the snowglobe of Winter 2022. Stay safe out there everyone, love one another and be #ReactivelyPositive, solid, stable and not swept away....
