My husband and I had gone to Monterey for a tennis tournament and on Sunday night, tired and beat up, we headed home. We decided to stop in Gilroy, at a business friend's house for dinner. What was going to be a "quick" stop, ended up stretching over 3 hours. You know how it goes.
After a delicious meal, out came the ice cream and testosterone began flying, as my husband and our host shared stories about a business deal that had gone bad for my husband. As they talked, I could feel my own anxiety build (emerging, emerging). But rather than pay attention to it, I dove into the conversation with my own remembrances and amped up with my husband and friend. Finally, as we got ready to leave, our friend suggested taking a ride in his beautiful Wild Cherry 1967 restored Nova. I gotta say, I was fully aware that anxiety emerged again, this time, fuller force as I ran through why: it's late and we still had a 4 hour drive home, no seatbelts (or airbags), everybody's amped up, farm roads....I even considered staying behind, letting the boys go have some fun, and I would prepare the cabin for take off and star gaze.
But no, I pushed my little seed of anxiety down and hopped in the hot rod. Windows were rolled down as we sped down the road, wheels screeching and teeth chattering. Most people who had made a bad decision would just suck it up, or let loose and have some fun. I could do neither and after a few minutes what popped out of my mouth was a total wet-blanket comment, "Time to go home!" Those who know me, know I tend to sometimes just let it out, often to my regret. This experience will be known as the Wild Cherry Hot Rod moment--when life handed me a glorious opportunity to stop, pay attention to what was emerging and then choose star gazing rather than racing off into the thick of it! What a mess. When I apologized to my saint of a husband, he smiled and said, "It's really no big deal, it's OK." Mindfulness is an art and a practice, and I, a humble student.
Emergence is a theme I'm committed to working on this beautiful spring season--taking good care of whatever might pop up--a beautiful flower or vine of thorn! Hope to see you on Saturday in community--and no hot rod jokes!
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