Search for Wise Compassion

 

When dealing with supporting loved ones in recovery, wise compassion vs idiot compassion seems a constant contemplation. The above quote guides our practice. How do we know our actions toward our addicted loved one, or anyone for that matter, are ultimately helpful? Two North Stars seem key:  

1)  True compassion knows ~ it's not just about the addict - the fallout from addiction is massive. True compassion supports not only the addict but those impacted by the addiction ~ especially vulnerable populations such as elders and children. Can we see with a broad, compassionate gaze that provides equal care to all those on the journey, including ourselves? 

2) True compassionate action addresses roots - every action should seek to help identify and heal the roots of addiction, not cover up, put our heads in the sand or become a co-conspirator. The roots may even have to do with us. Getting more and more real with ourselves, takes honesty and courage. 

For wise compassion to arise, seeing our loved ones, our precious, "flowers," in recovery as not separate seems foremost:

The flower is made of non-flower elements. There is nothing that is not present in the flower. We see sunshine, rain, clouds, the earth, we also see time and space in the flower. A flower, like everything, is made entirely of non-flower elements. The whole cosmos has come together in order to help the flower manifest herself. The flower is full of everything except one thing: a separate self, a separate identity. The flower cannot be by herself alone. The flower has to inter-be with the sunshine, the cloud and everything in the cosmos. If we understand being in terms of inter-being, then we are much closer to the truth.

"No Death, No Fear" by Thich Nhat Hanh

We are non-flower elements--may we be wise, compassionate gardeners, practicing tending our loved ones and family members skillfully: extracting weeds, being sunshine, rain, clouds on this recovery journey. 

                                              Image: Life Finds a Way: 25 Plants That Won't Give Up!