Advent Week 3 Joy: In Times of Loss

Tomorrow turns the last week in Advent, so I’m just squeaking this post through in the nick of time. Week 3 ~ Joy arrived in the midst of the loss in of a beloved young one. Her sweet life provided an opportunity to practice with the possibility of experiencing joy in the midst of grief. The first flicker of joy I recognized stirring in my heart was just after setting up an altar in her honor. I walked into my living room to the brilliant glow of orange, pink and lavender light. My jaw dropped in awe as I looked for the source, a winter sunset aflame out my sliding glass doors. Colors reminded me of her favorite tie-dye shirt that she wore in the picture gracing my altar....

My beloved one continued so beautifully in the last moments of setting sun. I stepped into the cold, Tahoe eve and gave thanks for her life, her love, all those she touched and...I felt joy, I felt peace. My mind relaxed it’s hold, I stopped fighting the new reality and I let go. In those moments, I was reminded of something I said to my nephew upon the loss of my father. Knowing my nephew was the sensitive type, I had given him a head’s up, not to worry if I cried in a continual stream at the funeral. I was giving myself the entire day to grieve my loss, but then, when the day was done, I would bring to mind only the joys of my father’s life, not the sorrows. My nephew sat alongside me on the pew, held my hand and understood.

There is a line I read at night in remembrance of my Sunset Beloved that fills my mind with beautiful light— The peace and joy of the entire world, including the worlds of the living and the dead, depend on our own peace and joy in this moment. With all our hearts and one-pointed mind, let us begin anew for the benefit of ourselves and our beloved ones.*

The peace and joy of the entire world...depend on our own peace and joy in this moment. As week 3 of Advent closes, may joy prevail, catching our eyes when we least expect it, taking our breaths away and reminding that life is treasured and precious.   

*Chanting from the Heart: Buddhist Ceremonies and Daily Practices by Thich Nhat Hanh

Advent Week 2 Love: in COVID Times

As lock downs went into effect this past Sunday in my state of California, I lit Advent candle week 2 ~ love. Across the wide world, stay-at-home orders are being enforced. The people of the United States and all around the globe, are needing love like never before in our lifetimes. As I contemplate the Advent candle of love, I ponder the cycle of expansion and contraction that can be seen in every natural thing: 

• Candle flame burning, receding
• Sun rising, falling
• Moon growing, lessening
• Spring and Summer expanding, Fall and Winter contracting
• Birth living, sickness dying

Everywhere expansion and contraction. I experienced a huge contraction last week—the death of a loved one—yet after the initial days of shock and loss, my breathing did eventually become fuller, longer, and regulated. I was able to experience the colors of sunset, smell of pine in the forest, the silkiness of my cat’s fur ~ expansion and contraction. 

As I light the evening Advent Candle for love, I wonder if expansion and contraction might be attributes of this virtue? There are days our hearts might feel full, there are days (especially during the pandemic) our hearts may be closed. When we see this contraction in our small business owners, next door neighbors, the healthcare worker who is tired, the lined faces of our loved ones on ZOOM, do we have the capacity to recognize, and rather than contract alongside—breathe, expand, grow our love and be present with the magnitude? 

In the second week of Advent, I enter the cycle of expansion and contraction and explore my own capacity to love deeper, fuller and in proximity to the conditions present in our world today. When I notice contraction in myself and others, I come back to my breathing, “Hello my dear one, I see you and I am here for you.” 

As the light of Love shines forth from the Advent Wreath, a little ditty speaks:

Stay Proximate~

To truly love,  
you can’t remain at a distance—
open your heart, 
get close. 

©2020 Karla Johnston, InnerConstellation.com

Advent Week 1 Hope: Arrival

Arrival 

©2020 Karla Johnston, InnerConstellation.com

 

“Hello, darling dear.”
Lighting the advent candles,
the 6:30am greeting enters 
sweet upon still-waking ears.
 
Could be deaf and still hear it,
what comfort, what joy.
I have an interesting habit 
that until this very moment could not be explained
yet, is intuitively followed—
middle candle, traditionally reserved for Christmas Eve, I always light straight-away, 
along with whatever candle represents the designated week before Christmas.
 
Why should I wait for God to arrive? This seems impossible.
 
Looking out the window, it is cold dusk, 
no light has yet to creep over Tahoe mountains,
but always it is there,
rising.