Become a Chinese Finger Trap Part Two!

I just got my hair completely shorn! My decision was inspired by a second meditation retreat, an all day affair rather than the 10 day silent retreat that fueled the popular blog article, Become a Chinese Finger Trap. Let me explain my great aha moment while inside my Inner Constellation for a day. First, I almost didn't attend the retreat because my “To-Do” list was a mile long, and I was stressing to get everything done before taking a day off. The anxiety part seemed counter-intuitive to attending a retreat, and I almost convinced myself to just “do” the list rather than go on retreat and simply “be.” I mean how much do you really get done by “being” inside the Inner Constellation for the day. Ha, how much indeed!

I made a deal with myself that I’d drive the 40 minutes down the mountain and just stay for the first part of the day, until lunch and then head back so I could be productive.  I must have been sending out the fleeing vibe, because the visiting teacher finished her introduction, described the day’s activities and then looked square at me and said, “I encourage all who come not to leave half way through or they miss the full benefit of what I've prepared.” Well, being a fellow teacher, I could only smile politely and nod my head in agreement, knowing I’d been busted.

The focus of the retreat was, “Who do you take yourself to be.” It sounded a bit new-agey to me, but by the first sitting my suspicious edge dissolved, and I began contemplating how I had defined myself that morning: someone who needed to return backed up emails, clean a messy home and study for my ACEP (Association of Comprehensive Energy Psychology) Ethics test—I mean, really, on a Saturday, no less, when the weather was spring time spectacular?

Through the day, I practiced the Vipassana technique and when my mind wandered in and out of the familiar stretching and pulling sensation (See Become a Chinese Fingertrap Part 1 for more of the nitty gritty details), I found myself considering this fact—it’s near end of May and spring has almost escaped me; less than a month until summer and I here’s who I take myself to be—a woman who spends way too many hours in cyber space!

I reminisced back to when corresponding meant a bicycle ride to the neighbor’s house, a letter in the mail, a phone call—not an inbox of over 50 emails to return (add another 10 while I sat in retreat—argh). I recalled racing off to the cornfields with my pad of paper and pencil to write, rather than pecking away on my laptop. I journeyed back, I did, and then as I stretched and pulled still further inside the Inner Constellation, my aha moment surfaced:

 I define myself: my involvement in cyber space and my stress level, no one else.

I mean, dang, emails, cyber-communication, my “To-Do” list are completely self-imposed.  Now, you might be saying, what does all this have to do with getting one’s head shorn?

I have always, always, always hated the fact that hair gets in my face. When my hair was half way down my back, I almost always wore portions of it back. Truth be told, I have always, always wanted a super short, get-it-out-of-my face haircut, but I was never brave enough. Who do I take myself to be? A girl who’s approaching summer and wanting her hair out of her face!

So, this afternoon I entered the salon, walked into the stylist’s bathroom, closed the door and noticed a sign with a variety of encouraging words, “surround yourself with happy people,” check, got that one going on. I went through the list with confidence until I arrived at the last one, “be brave.” It takes bravery and confidence to go against the grain of cyber space and honor one’s inclinations. I walked out of the bathroom and with no pictures from my cell phone, no preparation other than being, my beautiful artistic friend and stylist created a masterpiece from the canvas of my head. The most fun was seeing her work her creative magic so joyfully.

Who do you take yourself to be? Whatever the answers, may they be perfectly aligned with our intentions, inclinations, and those things that give us lasting joy and fulfillment.