Advent Week 3 Joy: In Times of Loss

Tomorrow turns the last week in Advent, so I’m just squeaking this post through in the nick of time. Week 3 ~ Joy arrived in the midst of the loss in of a beloved young one. Her sweet life provided an opportunity to practice with the possibility of experiencing joy in the midst of grief. The first flicker of joy I recognized stirring in my heart was just after setting up an altar in her honor. I walked into my living room to the brilliant glow of orange, pink and lavender light. My jaw dropped in awe as I looked for the source, a winter sunset aflame out my sliding glass doors. Colors reminded me of her favorite tie-dye shirt that she wore in the picture gracing my altar....

My beloved one continued so beautifully in the last moments of setting sun. I stepped into the cold, Tahoe eve and gave thanks for her life, her love, all those she touched and...I felt joy, I felt peace. My mind relaxed it’s hold, I stopped fighting the new reality and I let go. In those moments, I was reminded of something I said to my nephew upon the loss of my father. Knowing my nephew was the sensitive type, I had given him a head’s up, not to worry if I cried in a continual stream at the funeral. I was giving myself the entire day to grieve my loss, but then, when the day was done, I would bring to mind only the joys of my father’s life, not the sorrows. My nephew sat alongside me on the pew, held my hand and understood.

There is a line I read at night in remembrance of my Sunset Beloved that fills my mind with beautiful light— The peace and joy of the entire world, including the worlds of the living and the dead, depend on our own peace and joy in this moment. With all our hearts and one-pointed mind, let us begin anew for the benefit of ourselves and our beloved ones.*

The peace and joy of the entire world...depend on our own peace and joy in this moment. As week 3 of Advent closes, may joy prevail, catching our eyes when we least expect it, taking our breaths away and reminding that life is treasured and precious.   

*Chanting from the Heart: Buddhist Ceremonies and Daily Practices by Thich Nhat Hanh

Advent Week 2 Love: in COVID Times

As lock downs went into effect this past Sunday in my state of California, I lit Advent candle week 2 ~ love. Across the wide world, stay-at-home orders are being enforced. The people of the United States and all around the globe, are needing love like never before in our lifetimes. As I contemplate the Advent candle of love, I ponder the cycle of expansion and contraction that can be seen in every natural thing: 

• Candle flame burning, receding
• Sun rising, falling
• Moon growing, lessening
• Spring and Summer expanding, Fall and Winter contracting
• Birth living, sickness dying

Everywhere expansion and contraction. I experienced a huge contraction last week—the death of a loved one—yet after the initial days of shock and loss, my breathing did eventually become fuller, longer, and regulated. I was able to experience the colors of sunset, smell of pine in the forest, the silkiness of my cat’s fur ~ expansion and contraction. 

As I light the evening Advent Candle for love, I wonder if expansion and contraction might be attributes of this virtue? There are days our hearts might feel full, there are days (especially during the pandemic) our hearts may be closed. When we see this contraction in our small business owners, next door neighbors, the healthcare worker who is tired, the lined faces of our loved ones on ZOOM, do we have the capacity to recognize, and rather than contract alongside—breathe, expand, grow our love and be present with the magnitude? 

In the second week of Advent, I enter the cycle of expansion and contraction and explore my own capacity to love deeper, fuller and in proximity to the conditions present in our world today. When I notice contraction in myself and others, I come back to my breathing, “Hello my dear one, I see you and I am here for you.” 

As the light of Love shines forth from the Advent Wreath, a little ditty speaks:

Stay Proximate~

To truly love,  
you can’t remain at a distance—
open your heart, 
get close. 

©2020 Karla Johnston, InnerConstellation.com

Advent Week 1 Hope: Arrival

Arrival 

©2020 Karla Johnston, InnerConstellation.com

 

“Hello, darling dear.”
Lighting the advent candles,
the 6:30am greeting enters 
sweet upon still-waking ears.
 
Could be deaf and still hear it,
what comfort, what joy.
I have an interesting habit 
that until this very moment could not be explained
yet, is intuitively followed—
middle candle, traditionally reserved for Christmas Eve, I always light straight-away, 
along with whatever candle represents the designated week before Christmas.
 
Why should I wait for God to arrive? This seems impossible.
 
Looking out the window, it is cold dusk, 
no light has yet to creep over Tahoe mountains,
but always it is there,
rising. 

Advent ~ Season of Arrival

 

Thanksgiving weekend found me very gratefully gathering pinecones and cutting pine boughs on a chilly Tahoe evening to decorate my Advent altar. Sun dropped below the mountains as moon rose in the sky, glorious and near full. I pondered week 1 ~ Hope.

Advent, means “arrival,” and I was reminded of a practice poem as I snipped and placed my greens, coming back to breathing deep the delicious scents of pine and vanilla candles ~ I have arrived, I am home ~ In the here and in the now ~ I am solid, I am free ~ In the Ultimate I dwell. 

“Hope” by it’s nature implies somewhere in the future, yet isn’t there always some glimmer available, a flickering, arrival of light if we train our eyes to find it? Can we arrive with an open, hopeful heart in every moment?

Lighting the match, 

extending flame to wick. 

Advent candle, week 1: Hope ~ 

I have arrived, 

I am home.         

Beginning Anew: November 15, 2020

Are your relationships feeling a strain during quarantine? I’ve increasingly heard folks expressing challenges arising from being together more during home isolation. Perhaps it’s time to go deep into the practice of Beginning Anew to gain clarity, insight and renewal. 

In the time of the Buddha, during full and new moons, communities of practice partook in a ceremony allowing loved ones to clear the air so hurts didn’t accumulate. This ancient ceremony has been passed down and expressed in 4 elegant steps to help us see ourselves, situations and those we love more clearly. The practice is called Beginning Anew.

On November 15 New Moon, the opportunity to Begin Anew with oneself, a situation or a loved one is being extended. We have 10 spots at The Studio, measured to ensure 6 feet of physical distancing (unless you are in the same family group). This is an RSVP event due to space constrictions. All you need bring is the loved one with whom you are experiencing conflict and a commitment to listen and speak with your whole heart. If Beginning Anew is best directed towards yourself or a situation which has been difficult to resolve, you can be paired with either the facilitator or another participant with a similar focus. 

You will be guided through four steps of conscious breathing, loving speech, and compassionate listening as ways of keeping communication open and resolving conflicts. When practiced regularly, Beginning Anew brings deeper understanding and harmony to any relationship or situation. 

Invite a loved one, bring a mask and come experience Beginning Anew which teaches—with every breath, you and the present moment are reborn and can begin again. 

Time: Sunday, November 15 from 9:30a-11:00a 

Sliding Scale Suggested Donation:  $15-30 per person - no one turned away for lack of funds

Location: The Studio Lake Tahoe, 3200 US Hwy 50, South Lake Tahoe, CA 96150

Facilitator: Karla Johnston, True Compassionate Dwelling, Certified HeartMath Clinician, 
owner InnerConstellation.com

RSVP: Karla@InnerConstellation.com

Inner Constellation Continuation

Yesterday was a tender day of celebration as Thich Nhat Hanh celebrated his 94th birthday. Friends and practitioners of mindfulness gathered on ZOOM and shared stories of how Thay ("teacher" in Vietnamese) has touched our lives. As so many transformations were shared, I thought back to the first time I came in contact with the concrete practice of mindfulness....

The year was 2014 when I visited Deer Park Monastery, a practice center in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh and spent a week on a private retreat in Clarity Hamlet, living with the nuns. I felt, for the first time in my life, a sense of home--as if a peaceful and happy life was possible. I remember returning from my stay and describing the nuns to my husband with the only language I knew at the time, "They were holy." I aspired within me to walk with such peace, smile with such peace, live with their degree of presence. I remember wrestling with the idea that to live like at the monastery was not "real life." My sweet husband challenged this idea, and I will never forget what he asked, "Why do you assume the monastery is not real life?" At the time, I had no idea how to live so calm, peaceful and happy in the midst of absolute, chaotic busyness. A three year journey began that led to ordination at Deer Park in 2017 and a continued aspiration to grow my heart's capacity for compassion, peace and understanding. 

In March 2020, COVID hit, the brakes were applied, and the way I live has changed drastically, as it has for everyone. But here's the thing--life slowed down: my interpreting business, teaching, commitments, everything. It's been a blessing to feel, very visirally, the tremendous refuge of a personal practice in the midst of a post COVID world. 

A few weeks ago, I was asked to return to The Studio Lake Tahoe to offer private Inner Constellation sessions. I accepted, knowing it was a step in deepening my commitment to peace and well-being while offering The Studio as a sanctuary for those benefiting from support during these times. Now, Thich Nhat Hanh permeates my offerings, contemplation infuses my approach to any suffering and offers a way to remember joy and happiness even in the midst of challenges. I've used the last 7 months of slow-time and became HeartMath certified, something I wanted to do for years. 

If you feel you would like to partner with me in discovering ways contemplation--going within the sacred, and yes, "holy" refuge of your own body and mind--to grow peace and happiness to your life, please consider contacting me. At a time when so many folks are struggling, it's important to me and Crissy (owner of The Studio) to offer sliding scale gift economy payment options so that care is affordable and The Studio can stay afloat during restrictions in operation. When I think of the Inner Constellation motto in which I set up shop 10 years ago, I smile, knowing I have indeed come home: 

What if everything you need is inherent in you right now—profuse, abundant
 and perfectly sufficient. 

Mothers of Unrest

The following was written after hearing the goose-bump speech of Julia Jackson, in response to her son being shot by police in Kenosha, WI. Her speech was not sad, it was not hopeless, but rather the exact opposite. At the end of the poem is a link to view the powerful speech. As we move into September and the theme, “Community in the Eye of the Storm,” Julia Jackson is a North Star to watch, listen and soak in:

Mothers of Unrest

©2020 Karla Johnston, InnerConstellation.com

September 1, 2020

A storm brews more powerful than a hurricane,

people whipped up, circling, caught in the maelstrom.

Young men

shot by police,

call into question

excessive use of force.

 

Eyes rest upon the scene,

seeing black men, young sons, neighborhoods echoing the shots

amidst mothers, calling for peace.

 

“Clearly, you can see by now

That I have beautiful brown skin,

But take a look at your hand

And whatever shade it is, it is beautiful as well.

How dare we hate what we are.

We are humans.

God did not make one type of tree

or flower, or fish, or horse, or grass, or rock. 

How dare you ask him to make one type of human

that looks just like you.

I’m not talking to just Caucasian people. 

I am talking to everyone:

White, black, Japanese, Chinese, red, brown,

No one is superior to the other….

We are the United States.

Have we been united?

Do you understand what’s going to happen when we fall?

Because a house that is against each other can not stand. 

 

“Citizens, police officers, firemen, clergy, politicians: 

Do Jacob justice on this level and examine your hearts. 

We need healing. 

As I pray for my son’s healing—physically, emotionally and spiritually—

I also have been praying even before this for the healing of our country.

Everybody, let’s use our hearts, our love,

and our intelligence to work together

to show the rest of the world how humans are supposed to treat each other. 

America is great when we behave greatly.”

 

Julia Jackson, Eye of the Storm,

Holy Mother,

walk, stand, show 

in this suffrage,

True North.

 

 

Video of Julia Jackson’s speech